A Stooge’s Story

mustardI have this friend Moe who hates mustard. I mean he REALLY hates mustard. One time I saw this girl accidentally squirt a little mustard on Moe’s lunch tray, and he went completely nuts. Screaming, throwing his tray across the room, running around the lunch room knocking chairs over and punching bystanders in the head. He ended up being suspended for the rest of the year. When he came back the next year, that girl certainly never made the mustard mistake again. It’s not that she felt she did anything wrong. Nor did she give a care about Moe. She just couldn’t bear to hear all that screaming and see all that mayhem in the lunch room. This dude Charlie even planned a prank where a whole bunch of his wise-guy buddies were going to dump loads of mustard all over Moe. It would teach him a lesson for being such a pain. Plus it would prove they weren’t intimidated by Moe’s tantrums. Mostly it would just be fricking hilarious (and make a killer iFunny video, to boot).  But the principal caught wind of it and warned them that if they ever came within a hundred feet of Moe with mustard, he’d suspend them for the rest of the year, too. Everyone was afraid of Moe, or the consequences of provoking Moe.

As for me, it’s not that I’m afraid of him. I mean… he’s my friend, right? I care about him, and I respect his feelings. Most of all, I just hate seeing him suffer. If I was him, I sure wouldn’t want people torturing me with mustard. Well, It wasn’t until Larry came around that I realized we were all missing the boat. Larry and Moe became best of friends. Larry wasn’t just committed to easing Moe’s suffering, he wanted the very BEST for Moe. Gradually, he convinced Moe that it wasn’t in his best interest to have his emotions and behavior so easily influenced by a condiment. Slowly, he helped Moe become less torment-able by mustard (exposing him to small ‘doses’ over time). He also convinced Moe that even though mustard may forever cause him some discomfort, it would be far better for Moe to just buck up and take it. Such pain might even be meaningful, especially when it saves other people from suffering far more than he is. Wow! That Larry sure is a good friend!

-Story by Curly

Epilogue: Unfortunately, one day, Moe had a relapse. Charlie caught up with him after school one day and did the whole mustard dump thing. Moe went ballistic and killed Charlie and wiped out his whole family. Eventually the police went after Moe, who was still on a murderous rampage, and well, you know the rest. We really tried, though. And that’s what counts.